Saturday, January 14, 2012


I met a prophet this afternoon. No, really, I did.

This isn't her (sorry, courtney). Courtney and I went to BOD for some bevs and this woman walks in. Correction, this short mexican man carries this overweight woman in. She sits on some child's chair in the corner. She is wearing hospital scrubs and is carrying multiple bags. The mexican man leaves

She sits and watches for a good twenty minutes....just assessing the situation, not ordering anything. She spots a pyramid drawing on the know, the one on the dollar bill with the eye? Well she proceeds to draw major attention, basically talking to anyone who will listen to her. She calls one of the bagel boys a prophet because he drew this picture of the pyramid with a bagel behind it. She calls him prophetic and a soon-to-be rich man. Note, this woman claims to be a pastor, a teacher, a photographer, and who knows what else.

So I stand up to order something, but instead I get sucked into this conversation. She like makes one of the guys give her a dollar so she can show us how we will turn Egypt upside down, just like how if you turn a dollar upside down, the drawing is....upside down. Wow. Also, she asked "Who makes bagels?" we were all silent so I was like "you mean what culture?" and Court goes "NEw York JEws." This woman goes nuts and basically blesses Courtney.

I obviously find this too hilarious and I need to keep it going. I bring up Star Wars (duh, who doesn't love SW). She goes NUTS...she is all over my comparisons of SW, Buddhism, and Christianity. She attempts to do a yoda impersonation, but she gets the verb tenses all wrong, so it just ends up sounding like she was yelling in a Shatner voice at the poor bagel boy. She also claims to "love George Harrison." I think she meant Harrison Ford. Oh My God.

She starts talking about Buddhas and about some monastery near-by where she says she has "seen monks levitate." She turns to me and, straight faced, poses the question: "how do they do that?"
I blew it. I could have given her and amazing answer and blown her mind. Instead, I say " I don't know" and run to sit down. It's too much.

So I sit down. I start shaking at this point because I am holding in so much laughter and I am dying. I decide to document (obvi) so I take her picture. BUT I have limitations. She says I have to A) only take the pic from the neck up and B) She had to be fist bumping in it. She is known as "the lemon head lady because she fist bumps people." She fist-bumps my camera. This photo is a gem.

She blessed us before she left. I left soon after to get some whiskey. Lord knows I needed it.


  1. hahaha what. i am so glad you have a place to write about this weirdness!!

  2. dude. This is hilarious. I also like how you said "dollar dill". That made me LOL. anyway- this lady is um.. hilarious. My favorite part was obvi "New York Jews"... hahahahahhaha

  3. you need to be my editor, LemiLY.


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